DOnt know what to do anymore

Ah....Im lost at what to do. I have not a clue at all. My toilet clogged tonight and is still clogged as my plunger does not work or my little girl stuffed so much toilet paper in there that there is no hope that I can possess the skills in fixing a clogged toilet. But, that is the least of what I am concerned about having no idea what to do. After the toilet clogged, I cried and cried....and no...not because the toilet clogged....well, ok partially. I was intending on going to bed early for once, 1AM or 1:30 is early for me. Well...when the toilet ran all over and I dirtied at least 16 towels trying to clean it up, my early night to bed was not going to be fulfilled. At 2:34 all is cleaned up, towels in the dryer. And I am crying again. I cant take it anymore. I cant. I dont know what to do. Every area of my life is a wreck. Every area. I am trying so hard to fix everything and to do what is right for myself and my girls. But, everything falls apart beyond my control and I dont understand why. AND when it falls apart, it is really apart....broken, done or it is extremely hard to fix. I pray for an easy fix to just ONE situation. But, I must not be favorable in God;s eyes as that prayer has not ever happened. My garbage disposal is broken and now my sink is constantly clogged and I cant fix it and have no money to fix it. My toilet is now clogged and I cant fix it and have no car anymore to go out and buy a better plunge or Drano to unclog. My car just broke two weeks ago, but I cant fix it. I have no money to fix it. I just bought a new computer because my other laptop broke too...(only a year old). And any $$ that I could be making, I had to cancel because I need my car to get to my clients. SO, cancelled a bunch of clients this week which would have supplied me with my needed funds for my rent of my office which is suppose to be opened in January. So, now I dont even have that. I have no family to fall on. No one knows about my situation. No one and I dont know what to do. Imagine asking anyone for help. Ha. No one would believe how bad it is here. It sucks so much the aftermath of an abuse...the toll it takes on your mind and heart that you fall apart so much that you dont realize how far you fell apart when it is too late to really fix anything. And you secluded yourself so much that you have no where to turn to. I really feel myself having to leave to go away if something does not shift soon. I dont know what to do anymore to fix this. Since I am stuck at home without a car to see my clients, I have been selling everything I own on eBay to hopefully secure enought $$ to at least get my office and advertising and a down payment for a new car. This weather is getting cold and I cant be dragging my girls to the stores in this. One...its a long walk to the store...and two its embarrassing walking to the store. Sure let everyone see how bad that cop got me. Im trying so hard too...but without the funds to give me that jump start to just be able to afford a car and someone to fix my garbage disposal so I can finally have a clean sink. Wow...very pathetic I am. My dreams and goals are fading away because of my attempt to simply just survive and I cant even accomplish that. Wow. What the hell happened to me to be this. How could I have let that abuse affect me so much. How could I have let him have this power over me. How? I think I can finally sleep now. I hope...well only for 3 hours....man, this sux. I reallly need more sleep. And its not like I am out having fun. Im not. Im really trying...really trying. But, I think I need help for once in my life. I have been doing it since 13 on my own. 20 years later, after having 7 different life changes, having storm upon bigger storm attack me, having to constantly pick up the debris from each storm all by myself...just have the next wave come over me...and not little things...but huge life changing shit. I think it is time I get help somehow cause I simply cant do this on my own anymore. But I honestly have no idea what to do or how to. Ok...sleep now girl. Sleep.