Excuses

I am going through something right now. People tell me that I am finally growing up and coming into my own. But, I find it all a little sad. For most of my life, I believed that people were all good inside and had good intentions. And, if they did something hurtful it was only because of something not being healed from thier past. I still wish to believe that. And, largely I do. But, I am wondering if I am just making excuses or is this really reality. There is so much corruption all over and greed. I am beginning to judge people for their wrong doings and I am beginning to be very suspicious of everyone. I use to go into every relationship just trusting right off. Unless, you were a BF, then I was suspicious that he would cheat. But, if he said he had not, I believed him. But, now when I meet a person, I have my walls up. I no longer am open and revealing about who I am anymore. I dont like that. I am living in fear because of these people misleading me. You know there is this belief that if you believe, it will happen. Well, I believed that people were decent inside. But, that does not make it so. As I write this blog, I realize even more that even the large scale injusticies and "wrongs" are built up from years and years or hardships, of people believing they need to impress to be accepted....probably because they were not fully accepted by parents OR because theit parents were well accepted and now that child feels the need to hold the same idolization as their parents had or some other deep seated issue. Am I again just making more excuses?