Missing him so much.

Well, we have been broken up for over a month now...possibly even two months now. We were only together for 6 months, but it was the most intense 6 months with any guy I have ever dated. We grew extremely close and it was my first relationship after the abuse of the cop, so I was more vulnerable than I ever was and I so much wanted to trust a man. I never worked so hard to forgive and make a relationship work before. I never let myself fall so completely in love before him. Our chemistry was strong, our passion was unique and pure. I had no complaints except I found out he was dating another girl in our second month. Even though I never felt more betrayed ever by a bf, I excused it because we were early in our relationship. I was extremely hurt and my trust issue worsened. But, I already loved him. Really loved him, so I was willing to work through it with him and try to understand. I know he never spoke to her again. But, because of my unsureness if he was seeing someone else, I invaded his privacy by looking at messages and other things to be sure. The passion remained and my love for him grew. And he even asked me to move in with him. I really believed we both felt the same. It was the first time ever having this experience. I love before but never like this. I came to realize he was an alcoholic and was a seriel liar. He came to realize he has a problem and was willing to work on it to keep me. But, I think it got too hard for him to work on and he did not know how to do it and he would not talk to me about it. So, I think he pushed me away because it was easier to deal with life being drunk than without it. It really sux. It really hurts. I know who that man is underneath the hurt he hides under his alcohol. And he is beautiful. I miss that man. And I wish he would stop his drinking and wake up. I messed up too, though after I saw that he was seeing that girl. Acted out of hurt and that did not help. All I know is that I completely love him and miss him. Never felt like this before.