Today is my moms birthday and even though she has never called me to wish me a happy birthday since I was a teen, I feel the need to at least text her. Why is it so important to even want to be in contact with her, when she apparently is not concerned about me. She did give me away when I was 13 and never really attempted to have a relationship with me. I was the one that always called and always asked if I could go "home", although not much of a home to me. My brothers and sister just walk right in as if it is no big deal. They were never given away. While I feel the need to knock at the door, after calling first to ask permission to come. I think being abandoned by your family leaves you without any strong roots. You are often frayed looking for somewhere to be planted and tend to trust what should not be trusted because you have never learned what is safe to trust...so you dont recognize that which is safe to trust. That is not comfortable because it is foriegn to you.
Being abandoned by your family as a teen makes you rely on yourself completely. You have no where to turn, no one to help, no one to remind you that you are worthy or valuable. You need to remind yourself of these things and be able to sustain your life and dwelling because you will never have that back up in case you fall.
I feel my mother had to be hurt, and was dealing with her own issues and still has never came out from her cloud. She just falls deeper and deeper because of her regrets and shame. Who knows this is true. But, this is what makes me want to at least send her a happy birthday text. I would hate to believe that she is cold and anything purely negative within. I would hate to believe that of anyone.
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